Grey Rock Method

What is the Grey Rock Method?

Like a rock.

The Grey Rock Method is a psychiatric tool for handling abusive, toxic, and narcissistic people in relationships. It is best used with the support and counsel of a licensed therapist. The method encourages the target of an abusive individual to not respond to the torment thrown at them by their abuser.

Instead of getting angry, the targeted individual should keep from showing a reaction to the tormentor, give one word responses, walk away from the conversation, and not retaliate.

Essentially, the goal of Grey Rocking is to become uninteresting to the abuser.

Divorce brings out bad behavior.

The Grey Rock Method is an excellent technique to apply in your divorce and/or child custody case, even if your ex is not abusive, narcissistic or otherwise toxic. Divorce can be a difficult experience for everyone involved. Even good people tend to behave at their worst during divorce and custody proceedings. Bad behavior in divorce is so typical as to be the subject of horror and comedy alike in pop culture. We just expect a misbehaving ex, and for many people, they feel pressured to behave poorly in return.

However, your divorce judge is not going to like hearing "my ex treated me badly, so I treated them badly to get even." We have seen judges more upset about a client's retaliation than their ex's original offense. Reacting to your ex can seriously harm your interests in divorce and child custody cases. Sometimes your ex may even attempt to bait you into retaliating just to get a more favorable outcome in the proceeding. In fact, baiting behaviors are very common in divorce and custody proceedings.

What can you do?

It's normal to be upset during your divorce or child custody proceeding. Don't beat yourself up for having emotions during this trying time. Take steps to protect your peace and sanity:

1. Consider therapy. A licensed therapist can help you navigate tricky interpersonal relationships better than any lawyer, and there's a good chance an hour of your attorney's time costs more than an hour of therapy.

   
   

2. Journal. Writing down the epic response you would like to have can be almost as satisfying as actually responding and it's a whole lot less likely to get you in trouble with the judge.

   
   

3. Use family communication tools (especially if ordered to do so by a judge). Family communication apps can help you feel supported by the court and your legal team in communications with your ex. If all communication is kept to the app, you do not have to worry about not being believed when you try to report your ex's bad behavior.

   
   

4. Limit communication with your ex. Communication about the court case is best left up to your lawyers, but parties will often have to communicate with each other to arrange collecting their things, and to successfully coparent. Keep communication short and targeted. Shorter communication is less likely to carry emotions. It is often tempting to let your ex know how you feel, but by the time you are in court, they probably aren't going to change their behavior, and most of the time they will respond with their own emotions.

PRO TIP: Read text messages and emails from your ex in a silly voice. Clients often read messages from their ex in an angry tone without realizing it. Be deliberate in not letting your internal voice raise the temperature in an argument.

Get legal help.

The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. If you are in a divorce or child custody case, or if you feel you need to file one, please contact an attorney. As a law firm Feriante & Bell, LLC knows the importance of have a good lawyer on your side to navigate these difficult situations. If you are seeking help with a new or ongoing case, you can contact us today for a free consultation.